Hello

One Sunshine Moment this week happened on Monday night. We were walking home after our evening appointment fell out and after klingling the rest of the doors by the appointment and were alone on a normally busy street. Then a man turned onto the street and started walking towards us. Being exccited someone was there to talk to, we talked to him and had what was probably the best Teach To Find that we have had in our whole 4 transfers together! We were both bearing testimony and asking questions and teaching principles. This man, Frank, then took a Book of Mormon (sadly no appointment).

Another Sunshine Moment was seeing Schw Münch get a blessing. She was very sick and said she wanted a Priesthood blessing. It was difficult and frustrating trying to find men who were willing and able to drive to Hoyerswerda in the middle of the week but finally we found two!

The rest of the week didn't have too many highlights. It was pretty much all tears and prayers. We visited with a less active member Schw Rübesahm again, and brought Schw Farnsworth (the wife of our WML who is only in Cottbus for 6 months of the year, they just got back) with us, and Schw Rübesahm was in tears as she told of how the Ward has ignored her calls for help and how she doesn't feel welcomed and how her family members (who are against the Church and won't help her get to Church) just rub it in her face that no one but the two foreigners (we missionaries) care about her. She lives in the city of Peitz where the bus to Cottbus doesn't start running on Sunday till 11am, takes 30 minutes to get to Bahnhof, and then a street car to the Ward. By the time she does that church is over. There is a trainstation 6km away that she has used a few times but she is almost 70 with health problems so riding her bike or walking there is very difficult for her. She and we have asked for some one to just pick her up for Church and she'll find her way home but the Ward Council said no. They won't help, it's too far away, and they say if she really wanted to come she would find a way.

She moved from Görlitz to Peitz one year ago and this past November was the first time she received Visiting Teachers and that was after Sister Neukomm and I fought to get her some. (Not really fought, but after telling the Bishoprick a few times and nothing happened, we went right to the FHV and helped get her some.) Still no Hometeachers yet. Working on that still. It is very sad to see a member who wants to have a part in the Ward be ignored and overlooked. Schw Farnsworth now arrainged to pick her up but the Farnsworths will leave again when school is finished, and then what with Schw Rübesahm?

Then Sister Neukomm and I had a very difficult week. I don't really know what it was but it was not good. The only day that there was no mean Sis Neukomm was yesterday when I hardly said anything at all. (except say yes to her questions "Don't I look pretty today?"  "Aren't you proud of me for doing doors today?")  There were just so many misunderstandings and silly little problems that when I tried to fix them just blew up. When I stopped trying to fix them, they blew up anyway. I'm really not being a drama queen when I say it was hell. I really try to name my blessings when I am sad but this week the only blessing I could see was "in 12 more days I get a new companion..." "in 11 more days I get a new companion..."

I am complaining here, you can skip this paragraph. I have to prepare all our lessons, do the planning, call everyone, get everything ready to go, carry a full backpack while Sis. Neukomm carries her little designer purse with nothing but her wallet in it. My shoulders were really hurting but she just wouldn't help. I do try to ask her and let her help and have a part too, we are supposed to be a team after all, but she won't. She just sits there and tells me all my ideas are bad but won't give any other ones, then she corrects my German in a way I can't understand and when I ask her to tell me in another way or write down corrections so I can read them she says that's too much work and keeps on loudly saying sounds i can't tell the differnece between, or when I'm reading (even in lessons) will say words over me or say comments that make me feel stupid so I mess up even more. I do try to serve her, I cook every meal and make her plate look really good (and taste good) but she criticizes it. When I offer to let her do the cooking, she won't. I sing her lullabies every night and then makes fun when I sing off key, but when I don't sing she complains I don't serve her.

K. I need to stop. I just can't do anything right. I am doing the work here alone pretty much and most of our numbers are 0s. So when you say I'm an amazing missionary, I really don't believe you. It just makes me sad to hear that because I'm not what everyone expects me to be. I'm not helping sister Neukomm anymore like president thinks, I'm not helping cottbus except the less actives but then when I leave they won't be taken care off, I'm not finding any new people, I don't think Cottbus is any better for the 6 months of effort I've given.

We went to the Temple this week and I just felt so worthless there. I am nothing, I can't do anything right, why would  God, who is perfect, want me to come into his house? I wanted to get up and leave in the middle of the session when Sister Bauman who was sitting next to me noticed me crying and held my hand and told me that she loved me. This was a very big tender mercy and was as if God told me that and told me he wanted me in His house. After that I was able to enjoy the session more and when I got to the Celestial Room with a picture of Christ with His arms open I felt a hug. I stayed in there as long as I could because I really didn't want to leave the love of my Father in Heaven and go back to a companion who hates me, to a city that won't listen to me, and to a Ward who ignores me and the people that need it the most. 

But for some reason I'm supposed to be here. Maybe it is just to show the less actives love and kcick the ward into doing something for them. President said the Cottbus ward is the Pharases of the german church and now i believe him. But I'm here. I know Heavenly Father hears and answers my prayers, I can't do the work alone, but He's here with me. I really don't know what good will come from these next 9 days before Sis Neukomm goes home, but I won't complain anymore, I will just put a smile on and keep going. Keep Calm and Carry On. 

This was not a possitive email. I'm sorry. I will add some possitive pictures.

The first two are from last PDay when we went to the zoo with the Forst Elders and our Ward Mission Leader and his family. 

We got to feed the Elephants! That was really fun! I've pet an elephant :] 

We also climbed up a pyramid. Felt like I was not in Germany anymore.

The members here have a book that the missionaries write in to say fun memories and addresses and the like. I was writing in the book from Br Gröschke when I found this entry- from an Elder Mark Allan. There is no date but Br. Gröschke said it sould have been in the late 80s or early 90s. Made me laugh a little, I don't think it's uncle Mark but it could be, could you ask him? No sign of a Sister Pommerville yet hehe. I'll keep looking. Where were their missions exactly?

I hope you all have a wonderful week! Thank you for your prayers, I did feel them this week.

Love, 

Sister Walker